A-hem. It's 2009..
I began this blog in 2005 with the goal of becoming connected with my ancestry and yet it's morphed into something completely different.
Am I better? Dunno.
Did some big things happen? Yes, but I cant really talk about them right now.
I still yearn to be a writer. I realized that no matter what I go through, no matter how long the hiatus, a life that is not documented though writing is not worth living.
I am not going to swallow a 100 advil yet so if I aim to keep living, I better keep writing.
2008 was a year of living. I wasnt being reflective because I was living. I went back to the UK. I opened my fucking eyes, stopped drinking the imaginary kool aid and started thinking about what I wanted to really do.
I took a writing course that was useless.
I know what I want to write so I am just gonna keep at it.
Friday, January 09, 2009
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Probally my only post of 08
This will probably be on my only post in 2008….
I spent a lot of it running away from emotions and playing politics for most of 08.
Notable cultural pieces like Sex and the City and a New Kids on The Block reunion tour brought me back to what is important. I told my parents that C and I would be thinking about marriage. I formed an abusive ‘friendship’ out of politics and it eventually backfired in my face big time but I gained two amazing lifelong friends. Went to London and fell right back in love with the UK then because of C, the organization was named in a lawsuit and I finally went into therapy.
K and S keep me sane and laughing, I can finally speak about my childhood without lumps forming in my throat and work is a complete joke. Now I am hanging to really live.
And I have made some great strides on my novel in a very unexpected way.
I spent a lot of it running away from emotions and playing politics for most of 08.
Notable cultural pieces like Sex and the City and a New Kids on The Block reunion tour brought me back to what is important. I told my parents that C and I would be thinking about marriage. I formed an abusive ‘friendship’ out of politics and it eventually backfired in my face big time but I gained two amazing lifelong friends. Went to London and fell right back in love with the UK then because of C, the organization was named in a lawsuit and I finally went into therapy.
K and S keep me sane and laughing, I can finally speak about my childhood without lumps forming in my throat and work is a complete joke. Now I am hanging to really live.
And I have made some great strides on my novel in a very unexpected way.
Saturday, December 22, 2007
On my way to arrival!
Dec 2007 – The year is almost over and finally I get my break literally –my vacation and my career break!
I haven’t written in many months because I have been working ultra obscene hours however - I have made it and I am pleased to say that I renegotiated on my own terms this time and I am sitting pretty in my beautiful downtown apartment with, count them -4 huge windows and lots of natural light!
I have literally moved up –from the basement to the 2nd floor of a Victorian apartment. C. has steady work, I am getting paid what I am worth and have I two executive titles, professional development opportunities and I will be leading a staff of three, I grew the HR department!
I begin a writing course in January and someone who has power, believes in the value of my work.
From my living room, I see the Toronto skyline, TD tower, Scotia Tower, CN tower –all the tall towers in Toronto and I know very shortly I will be where I need to be.
Two years ago- Dec 2005, I was working in the ‘white-collar sweatshop’, I was living at home with my parents, in March 06, I was kicked out of my house, my current employers took a chance on me and asked me to build the HR department, I lived in a basement -sleeping next to a boiler heater and a drafty electrical panel. I took the role for less than minimum wage, worked 12+ hours, cried myself to sleep many nights –restless nights plagued by work induced nightmares, nearly lost my life partner because he was defeated in coming back to Toronto and sick of my work hours. I walked past the socio-economic and mentally disadvantaged residents of the area, going back to live and sleep in the basement with a small window with bars, grateful that I had 4 walls, a roof and a washroom.
C. worked 2 jobs, I barely saw him. His choice of career was less than becoming, but I didn’t care because what matters is having the means to live your life with meaning and you cannot do that without money.
Sept 2005, I graduated with a masters degree, I was uninformed –I thought that I was owed the world because I had spent three years saving up in Japan and paying off student loans so I could do a masters. I had an interview in Oct 2005- (see entry in blogger dated October 30th, 2005)
I went to interview for that e-learning jr trainer position, it was for WSI consulting and it just didn't work out. My first interview with D., a charming lady from Romania went fine. She sold it to me in a way where I didn't even mind taking a huge pay cut at 26K a year to build some training and development skills however, my second interview with a personality-less drone M. just didn't convince me of my fit within their organization.M. asks me typical, boring questions such as tell me about your work experience when he has my resume right in front of me. There was not an ounce of creativity in his questions what-so-ever. I guess I was bored and cocky, so when he asked if I had any questions, I came forward with a slew of them and our positions were reversed
What career path have people in this role previously taken?
How many people will I work with?
What are my day to day responsibilities?
What are the hours I am expected to put in?
How soon can I expect to move up?
What is the turnover of this role?What kind of challenges can I expect to face?What is the salary?At that point this personality-less drone turns to me and says " I believe L. has explained your salary to you."
Not satisfied, I probe further "Yes, but I believe 26K is too little for someone with my experience and education".M. says impatiently,
"Well this isn't English teaching in Japan, you will be coaching executives."I said, that maybe so but I will bring transferable interpersonal skills gained in Japan as I work with your "executives".
Look DG, he says, sometimes you have to go two steps backwards to go 10 steps forwardFuck off M., its telephone support for internet franchisee and I am not interested in "rolling up my sleeves" for how ever many hours a day. I stood up, reached over and offered a stern handshake and said "Good luck with your search for the right canditate".
Two days later, I get an email from WSI stating, "Sorry DG, you are not a good fit for us"You don't say....
I didn’t understand humility then but still I knew that job wasn’t right for me. Through my little sister, I got a job interview at ‘white collar sweatshop’ I wore my very best Suzy Shier suit and I swallowed my pride. I put aside my masters and took a job that introduced me to some fun people and gave me humility because if you have ever had to work to make people pay for cellphones who couldn’t working alongside new Canadians -you learn humility quickly.
While I have done this, my biggest fear remains – I cannot get complacent or take it for granted as I could be back where I came from….that would kill….
I haven’t written in many months because I have been working ultra obscene hours however - I have made it and I am pleased to say that I renegotiated on my own terms this time and I am sitting pretty in my beautiful downtown apartment with, count them -4 huge windows and lots of natural light!
I have literally moved up –from the basement to the 2nd floor of a Victorian apartment. C. has steady work, I am getting paid what I am worth and have I two executive titles, professional development opportunities and I will be leading a staff of three, I grew the HR department!
I begin a writing course in January and someone who has power, believes in the value of my work.
From my living room, I see the Toronto skyline, TD tower, Scotia Tower, CN tower –all the tall towers in Toronto and I know very shortly I will be where I need to be.
Two years ago- Dec 2005, I was working in the ‘white-collar sweatshop’, I was living at home with my parents, in March 06, I was kicked out of my house, my current employers took a chance on me and asked me to build the HR department, I lived in a basement -sleeping next to a boiler heater and a drafty electrical panel. I took the role for less than minimum wage, worked 12+ hours, cried myself to sleep many nights –restless nights plagued by work induced nightmares, nearly lost my life partner because he was defeated in coming back to Toronto and sick of my work hours. I walked past the socio-economic and mentally disadvantaged residents of the area, going back to live and sleep in the basement with a small window with bars, grateful that I had 4 walls, a roof and a washroom.
C. worked 2 jobs, I barely saw him. His choice of career was less than becoming, but I didn’t care because what matters is having the means to live your life with meaning and you cannot do that without money.
Sept 2005, I graduated with a masters degree, I was uninformed –I thought that I was owed the world because I had spent three years saving up in Japan and paying off student loans so I could do a masters. I had an interview in Oct 2005- (see entry in blogger dated October 30th, 2005)
I went to interview for that e-learning jr trainer position, it was for WSI consulting and it just didn't work out. My first interview with D., a charming lady from Romania went fine. She sold it to me in a way where I didn't even mind taking a huge pay cut at 26K a year to build some training and development skills however, my second interview with a personality-less drone M. just didn't convince me of my fit within their organization.M. asks me typical, boring questions such as tell me about your work experience when he has my resume right in front of me. There was not an ounce of creativity in his questions what-so-ever. I guess I was bored and cocky, so when he asked if I had any questions, I came forward with a slew of them and our positions were reversed
What career path have people in this role previously taken?
How many people will I work with?
What are my day to day responsibilities?
What are the hours I am expected to put in?
How soon can I expect to move up?
What is the turnover of this role?What kind of challenges can I expect to face?What is the salary?At that point this personality-less drone turns to me and says " I believe L. has explained your salary to you."
Not satisfied, I probe further "Yes, but I believe 26K is too little for someone with my experience and education".M. says impatiently,
"Well this isn't English teaching in Japan, you will be coaching executives."I said, that maybe so but I will bring transferable interpersonal skills gained in Japan as I work with your "executives".
Look DG, he says, sometimes you have to go two steps backwards to go 10 steps forwardFuck off M., its telephone support for internet franchisee and I am not interested in "rolling up my sleeves" for how ever many hours a day. I stood up, reached over and offered a stern handshake and said "Good luck with your search for the right canditate".
Two days later, I get an email from WSI stating, "Sorry DG, you are not a good fit for us"You don't say....
I didn’t understand humility then but still I knew that job wasn’t right for me. Through my little sister, I got a job interview at ‘white collar sweatshop’ I wore my very best Suzy Shier suit and I swallowed my pride. I put aside my masters and took a job that introduced me to some fun people and gave me humility because if you have ever had to work to make people pay for cellphones who couldn’t working alongside new Canadians -you learn humility quickly.
While I have done this, my biggest fear remains – I cannot get complacent or take it for granted as I could be back where I came from….that would kill….
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